Hey friends! As most are ought to do, I'm spending the end of 2017 and the start of this new year reflecting on my past and planning for the future. Ends and beginnings have that way of inciting change. I decided to share some bits and pieces of my year long reflections here. Forewarning: these tend to be scattered. For me, this site is a bit of a personal 'brain dump' and I've had to get past trying to work on making things perfect and just write, or share photos, or anything else I decide to put out there. Some posts might be a bit more meaningful [like this one] and some are much less so [like my list of favorite tv shows, which is disturbingly long!]. Also I've had the acoustic version of one of my favorite songs stuck on repeat as of late. It's mildly relevant so I thought I'd share! See lyrics below :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR! xx Jo
People come and go from your life. Sometimes the way it happens is completely out of your control. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it’s a wonderful accident, sometimes it can change your life. I spent this past year losing and gaining. It’s the ebb and flow of human interaction, of friendship, of family, of love and the absence of it. I took my time in 2017. I spent time on personal reflection. For the first time in a long time, I began to put myself and my own emotions first. Sounds ridiculous and self-indulgent, I know, but truly it can be challenging and sometimes downright impossible for someone like me.
I’ve always known I was an empath, but this year it decidedly struck home. To get a better understanding of what that means, read more here. It doesn’t all apply to me, but a good bit of it does. Being an empath in many ways is a blessing and is undoubtedly a trait that makes me the person I am. It also has made the better part of my life challenging. It can be overwhelming and downright paralyzing. I realized this year I needed to stop it from consuming me. I realized I needed more balance in my life. I haven’t achieved it and I’m not sure I ever will, but I’m working towards inner balance, and that’s all I can ask for.
The dichotomy of people and their ability to love and to hurt becomes more transparent as I grow older.
I’ve learned to realize who is important in my life and who isn’t. Who has supported me and who may seem to, but upon further reflection has been a superficial placeholder. Who values me and who takes me for granted. It’s painful when that moment of recognition comes to pass. Sometimes it’s an inward consciousness that’s been there all along, but the optimist in me stubbornly hopes for more, hopes things will get better. I’m learning how to be more realistic with my expectations.
It can take a lifetime to truly know someone and love them for who they are at their core.
Some people enter your life and it’s a slow progression towards something more, something deeper. It’s a delicate dance, a back and forth that’s tenuous and cautious and always a bit uncertain. Sometimes they fade away, never taking hold. Sometimes they’re worth the wait, worth investing your time on. I’m learning how to be patient with this sort of relationship. I’m learning how to value the long game.
Some people enter your life and quickly there’s a connection, a shared care and compassion for each other. It’s not necessarily romantic, but it is always meaningful. It’s a force that feels clear and true and unwavering. It’s all honesty and free of facades. I’ve slowly allowed more relationships like this in my life. Slow as I may be, I can see a change. I can see it happening and the warmth it brings to my everyday.
As I reflect on this past year, I can see a slow progression towards that balance I long for. I’m changing and I’m changing who I allow into my life. I can’t exactly block all those who will ultimately hurt me from entering my world. I can’t expect to live in a utopian bubble. But I can use my ability to read people, to feel for them, to understand them, to know them. I can learn to decide who I hold onto and who I let go. Who I spend time on and who I allow to pass through. Who I give my heart to and who I keep it away from. I’m learning when to try and when to let sleeping dogs lie.